Relationships

Hey Pixie,
Me and my bff have been friends for three years and she said something to the whole class. It was so embarrassing. We had to go to the bathroom at the same time and she was after me. Some other kid said about me, "She takes too long," then my bff said, "I know, right?" Then it was my turn and she said, "Don't take three hours, just three minutes" and I did not go to the bathroom I just went to my desk. And people where talking about it for two days. D

Hey D,
It sounds like maybe your bff was just trying to be funny. She wasn't, and it hurt your feelings (which stinks!) but it's not the kind of incident that people will remember for very long. There are too many other things to talk about! You could let your bff know that you felt bad after she said what she did, but don't be angry or confrontational. It's hard for some people to admit they made a mistake, and you don't want to get in an argument — you want to just move on. Hopefully your bff will learn it's not cool to tease people! XOXO,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
So all of my friends were invited to this girl's 13th birthday party except for my bff. Her feelings are really hurt and she said if I went it wouldn't be loyal and she wouldn't be my bff anymore. But I really want to go to the party, it sounds like so much fun. Do I hurt my bff's feelings and maybe lose her for a friend, or go to the party?
F from New York

Hey F,
It wasn't fair of your bff to threaten to not be your friend anymore, but when people's feelings are hurt it's hard to be as mature as they should be. You should go to the party if you want to, but be sensitive about talking about it in front of her. Do something special with her the day after the party to show her you care about her feelings. She'll probably want the gossip from the party — just be sure she knows it would have been much more fun if she'd been included!
And Pixie girls — being left out really stinks. When you plan a party, try really hard to include everyone in a group.
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
So I liked this guy but he liked my bff, so when she told him to go out with me, he did it so she would like him. So not cool! After we broke up, I moved to a different country, and he never emailed me like he said he would. He said it didn't matter if we broke up, he would always be my friend for life, and I believed him. The last time we talked, everything was fine, then out of nowere he's like, you have to promise never to call me again. I was so confused I hung up, and he never texted me again. So once I got settled in my new home, since he wasn't emailing me, I started telling my friends to tell him I said "hi" and I wished that he would email me. One of my friends, the one he used to like, asked me what I wanted her to tell him, and I said if he misses me, cuz he said he would...and she emailed me saying he had said no, he didn't miss me. I'm so sad and confused, and I keep emailing him, but does this mean that our whole friendship and relationship was a lie? What should I do?
_Plz help, Y

Hey Y,
Don't be sad! You're in a whole new country, how exciting! As far as your ex, it wasn't a lie that he liked you, but he didn't mean for your relationship to go past friendship in the first place. He probably wanted to stay pals (how cool to have a friend who lives in a different country!) but if you contacted him more than he felt comfortable with, he might have felt pressured and been scared off. (Plus, a lot of boys just aren't good at talking about their feelings.) Stop emailing him, and focus on the future. It's understandable if you're a little homesick and reaching out to your old friends, but take a look around and find new friends where you are! Being in another country is an incredible adventure. Don't miss out by dwelling the past!
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
I like this guy and he likes me too, but, he started liking my BFF. Now they are going out and I don't know what to do. I still like him a lot but I don't want to hurt my BFF because she likes him, too. What should I do?
- S from Illinois

Hey S,
If a guy really likes you, he won't have trouble making up his mind between you and someone else. So even if he hadn't already started going out with your BFF (and that's reason enough to stay away from him!), he wouldn't be the right guy for you. Sure, he likes you, but you should wait for someone who likes you and only you!
XOXO,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
I have a little glitch in the bff area. My bf L is always judging me. Like one day she brought her boyfriend and we went on the half pipe and he sat next to me, not L, then she really got mad at me when he tried to kiss me and I don't even like him. She's said some pretty mean stuff ever since then but I started playing a little with another friend.
M from Colorado

Hey M,
It sounds to us like the one with the problem is L. She's upset that her boyfriend hits on her friends (loser alert!). Instead of blaming you, if she was smart she'd dump the creep. Instead, she's trying to make you look bad. A real BFF is loyal and supportive, not judgmental. Maybe once she unloads her boyfriend she'll come to her senses. In the meantime, you're doing the right thing by focusing on other friends. Don't hang around with people who make you feel bad! You can do better.
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
My BEST BEST BEST friend and me have been besties since preschool. Now we're in 6th grade and we're at different middle schools. She met so many new friends. I did too but her AIM status always used to involve me and now it involves all of her new friends. I'm happy for her and we're kinda in touch but what should I do if she forgets about me?
K from Connecticut

Hey K,
You sound like a really cool girl — not everyone can be happy for friends when they do something we don't like. So keep up the great attitude! Also, focus on your new friends. You might find they have even more in common with you than your old BFF! And don't worry that she'll forget about you. Her AIM status involves the girls she sees everyday at school, and you guys (sniff!) don't see each other so much. She's just trying to make the best of a different situation. You should, too. Keep staying in touch, though. You don't have to see someone all the time to care about them!
Xo,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
My friends and I decided to be characters from Alice in Wonderland for Halloween but they are saying I have to the Jabberwock, which is ugly and unfair and how I am supposed to get a costume for that? I told them I wanted to be Alice but Emma gets to be Alice, even though last year when we went as the Wizard of Oz, she was Dorothy. What should I do?
P

Hey P,
Having a theme for Halloween can be fun, but there should be a fair way to decide who gets to be what. There's still plenty of time before Halloween — why not suggest that you put all the character names in a hat, and everyone picks one? You can always trade after, and even though not everyone will get their first choice, at least it will be fair. Or you could be a character you haven't thought of. There are lots of characters, if you Google Alice in Wonderland characters there should be something you'll like better than the Jabberwock!
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
I'm in middle school and all the other girls are going to this homecoming dance. I said I'd go to but I really don't want to. It's embarrassing but my friends all talk about boys and I know I should be interested in that too, but I'd rather just be home than at some dumb dance. What's wrong with me?
S

Hey S,
Nothing is wrong with you! Girls develop at different rates. Middle school is tough, because for every girl who's shaving her legs and crushing on guys, there's another who (whether she admits it or not) would rather be home playing school on her white board, or making brownies. The problem is, a lot of girls feel pressure to act more grown up than they feel. You can be part of a group that talks about things you're not interested in yet, but you should never feel pushed into doing things you don't want to do. And remember that lots of girls feel the same way you do, whether they feel comfortable admitting it or not. That said, something like a dance can sound scarier than it actually is. You could make a pact with your friends to stick together, and arrange with your parents to call at a certain time so you'll have an excuse to leave early if want. Either way, remember that growing up at your own pace is a sign of maturity and strength.
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
I have a lot of guy friends, and I learned recently that one of them, J, likes me! How? My BFF found his phone on the hallway floor and decided to look through it for fun. She caught a text where he was asking another guy for some crush help... and I was the crush. I thought guys didn't do that, but I stand corrected! I would have just asked him out... but I have a boyfriend who hates him! My BF is like a popularity jock, and J's just hot... and that's' it. But since my BF is the Cool kid, everyone pretty much expects him to actually beat J up and stuff... and my BF actually wants to do it! I like my BF, but then again I realized I like J too! I have no idea... Break up with one, get together with the other... Make one happy, leave the friend heartbroken... I just can't decide! The reason doesn't know I'm dating my BF is because we made it official about a week ago, and we decided to keep it private for three weeks and see if we need to break up before telling everyone about each other. That was pretty smart, but now I'm tied up... Help!
J

Wow, J, you really have a dilemma on your hands! But there's only one thing to do. If you really are torn between two boys, the best thing to do is go out with...neither of them! At least not right now. You could very, very nicely tell your BF that you're just not ready to date anyone (good thing you kept it quiet). After all, it's not fair to date someone when you really like someone else. Then get to know both guys better. Who makes you laugh? Who treats you, and other people, with respect? Who's nice to your friends? Take your time and you'll make the right decision!
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
This girl who I am friends with had a pool party and invited like 20 people. It was really fun, but when it was time to go I found out 10 girls were staying for a sleepover, and not me! Isn't that mean?
L

Hey L,
It's insensitive, but not really mean. Your friend obviously wanted to include everyone, and did at the pool party, but Pixie doesn't know a lot of moms who would allow a 20-girl sleepover! If she'd had two or three of her very best friends stay over it would have been less hurtful (and obvious) to everyone else, and probably would have been a better way to handle the situation. But it would be better for you to just let it go, and be sure you don't make the same mistake when it's your turn to play host.
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
So school just started and my three friends and I all decided to wear dresses on the first day. So I did, but Tara and Jessie and Pammy wore shorts! I was SO EMBARRASSED! And they acted like I shouldn't have been mad, but I totally feel like they did it on purpose to make me feel bad. Now I am not talking to either of them but that is no fun either. What should I do?????
K

Hey K,
That was pretty thoughtless of your friends — and you can tell them Pixie says so — but we bet you looked adorable in your dress! When you feel self-conscious it seems like everyone is looking at you, but trust us — at your age, kids are just worried about looking silly themselves! Calmly tell your friends why you're upset, then be the bigger person and move on. It's too early in the school year for drama, right?!
Love,
Pixie

Hi,
I need help. I like this one boy and every time I talk to him it seems that he likes me but sometimes it looks like he thinks I don't exist. PLZ tell me what to do.
xoxo,
J

Hi J,
So many girls have this problem! At least you are not alone! Have you noticed a pattern, like he pays attention to you when it's just the two of you, but ignores you in front of his friends? Guys don't want their friends teasing them about liking a girl, and sometimes go overboard to make it look like they're not interested. So if you want to talk to him, don't approach him when he's with his friends. Or maybe, like a lot of guys, he's just not ready to have a girlfriend. In that case, don't push it - you can't make a guy grow up! And actually, it's great to have guys who are just friends. Bottom line: if he really likes you, and he's ready to like one girl, he won't act like you don't exist. Love,
Pixie

Pixie,
I have this massive crush on this guy. The thing is, I keep calling him on different phones. The first time I called he answered and I just stayed silent, my heart was pounding! He hung and in five minutes I called again and he didn't answer. I called again the next hour and answered and said hello and I said hello and he asked who's this. I told him my name and he said, were you the one who was calling and I said yah and he said can you stop. I totally lied, I was like, "I'm sorry, I was trying to call my friend." He's like, "okay." Now he thinks I'm a weirdo, help me! Every time I talk to him or think about him I'm so nervous. I need help expressing my feelings, also I feel so embarrassed!

Having a crush can definitely make people do silly things, so don't be embarrassed. But stop calling! This guy must know you like him by now, so the best thing to do is just relax (or pretend you're relaxed!) around him. Take a few deep breaths before you talk to him to calm yourself down, and don't worry that every conversation will make or break a possible relationship. Focus on other friends right now. Sometimes it's more fun having a crush than having a BF anyway!
Love,
Pixie

Hey Pixie,
I'm going into sixth grade, but my fifth grade year was great then turned out to be hurtful. It happened with my friend — we were like BFFL's since the first grade. One day my other friend was sitting alone so we went over to her, and we started hanging out with her a lot. Then one day my other friend got dirt on my BFFL's new jacket, and she said, "I wouldn't even be mad if you blew my house up!!" So I asked, "What if i blew up your house?" and she said, "I would be mad at you forever." That hurt me. I was about to cry! Then I thought, how could she?!! What should I do Pixie? How will I get my BFFL back!!??? :'[
A

Hi A,
First of all, maybe your friend was just trying to be funny (fail!). Sometimes feelings get hurt by a random comment that didn't mean anything. Try not to let those things ruin your day! If you think that's not the case, remember that you're at an age where friendships start changing. You don't have to lose your old friends, but as you get older, it's healthy to branch out and get to know new people, too. The hard part is when one friend is ready to do that, and another isn't quite there yet. It's even harder when the friend is inconsiderate, or mean, like it appears your BFFL is being! But just because a friend gets close to someone else doesn't mean your friendship is over! Your BFFL might just be trying to send you the message that she needs a little space right now. (There are nicer ways to do that, of course — remember to be more sensitive when you're the one who wants to spend time with new friends, because at some point you will!). You might want to tell your BFFL how she’s making you feel. Don't act angry, just try to make her understand that her comments were hurtful. You should let your mom or dad know what's going on, too, or some other older person who knows you well. They'll help you understand that as difficult as the situation feels right now, it will ABSOLUTELY get better. You are way too special to let thoughtless comments make you feel bad!
Love,
Pixie

Dear Pixie,
I am in desperate need of your help. My BF cheated on me with my friends (plural) but I still have strong feelings for him. He always knew what to say to me to make me have that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Now all I feel is depression. I really want him back but how do I know if I can trust him? I would confide in my friends but they went behind my back and made out with him. Please give me your inspirational words of wisdom.
J

Hi J,
A BF should be someone you can trust, who makes you feel good about yourself. And this guy is not that! Sure, he knew what to say to make you feel good, but what someone DOES is much more important than what they SAY. And what he did was selfish and unkind. You can do much better! When you feel sad, it is important to talk to someone, so tell your mom, older sister or even a teacher or nurse at school what’s going on. And don't worry, you’ll feel much better as soon as you realize you were too good for this jerk!
Love,
Pixie